How to leave an unhappy marriage

I was married for more than 10 years and I was with my husband for a total of 15 years. Our marriage was plagued with problems from the beginning. The biggest problems? His heavy drinking and our lack of intimacy due to his history of sexual abuse as a child, which I didn’t learn about until eight years after our relationship. I tried to leave many times, but I had my own problems. Raised by an abusive mother who tried to kill me once, I had serious self-esteem issues and a morbid fear of being alone. Despite appearing united and successful, she was prone to compulsive spending, withdrawal, and chronic depression. I once seriously considered killing myself when I was 27 years old. Despite my fear of being and dying alone, I was a loner for most of my life. I had serious abandonment issues and this made it difficult for me to relate to people on a deep level, especially men. But there was a voice in me scolding me for doing something with my life, scolding me for putting my great marriage on paper, but actually miserable.

So many times I tried to leave, but my fear stopped me. I tried everything, even organized religion. I started to pretend that I was happy. But soon it would just stop working. That annoying voice inside me grew louder and louder … I began to mentally prepare for a divorce. I put aside most of my income. I started looking for apartments. I became psychologically single! With my years of experience as a businesswoman, I put my financial house in order. All my assets were carefully listed on a spreadsheet, detailing my own and my husband’s assets down to the last penny. I planned an exit strategy. All this for talking to countless divorcees and their horror stories about how their husbands cut them off from their checking accounts and they couldn’t survive on their own. I was ready, except I didn’t dare to leave … Years passed.

I finally went to a self-help conference organized by the religion I was practicing. On the last night of the conference, I was talking to some women I had just met about our plans for the future. We conclude that for a new future to develop, we must face ourselves boldly. It was then that I had an incredible experience. In my mind’s eye, I looked inside myself and saw this door. It was black as coal. Suddenly, fear came over me. I know that all the personal problems that I was not willing to face and address were behind this door. Could blood drain from my face. I felt paralyzed. When I opened that door in my mind’s eye, tears started running down my face. I sobbed, in front of a table full of practical strangers. Interestingly, everything started to change after that night. It’s like I opened Pandora’s box that night and couldn’t close it afterward. But it was another 19 months before he finally did what he thought was impossible.

On a cold January day, shortly after the New Year, I sat up in bed one morning, wrapped in blankets, and let all my fears surface. I started to shake. I felt that life was escaping from my body. I couldn’t move. But something inside me told me to feel this fear, with all its might. So I did … Miraculously, my fears, intense as they were, slowly began to fade, without my trying to suppress or dominate them. The blood slowly returned to my limbs. A few days later I told my husband that I was leaving him. He was angry and hurt. He became verbally abusive. This time I allowed myself to feel the fears that surfaced again. Then I did something that I had never done before. I fought, with logic and reason. I defended myself. A few weeks later I moved. It was as if the entire universe was behind my decision. All went well. I didn’t even hire a lawyer since I was so prepared.

Since then, I have mastered the process of releasing my negative emotions, namely fears, uncertainties, doubts, and insecurities. My energy healing training also allowed me to hear those emotions. However, the most important thing to remember is that your emotions cannot hurt you. If you allow them to surface without subduing or pushing them back into your subconscious, you will find that you will soon be free of them. Find the courage to do that. Then, with careful planning to protect yourself financially and seeking counseling help when you can’t find the courage to go it alone, you can also leave an unhappy life behind and start a new one. As i did.