Ways to Reduce Problem Behaviors
1. Change settings
Change the setting, activity, or people involved, so your child feels safe. For example, if your child becomes overstimulated when he plays with her friends, he may recommend that he avoid various distractions, such as turning off the television, or try a different activity, such as coloring or playing outside.
2. Respond calmly
Respond to the situation calmly and without your own anger or emotion. This is by far the most important skill you need to learn. If your child’s behavior has made you angry, take a few minutes to cool down before deciding how to respond. Example: Your son is angry and hits you. Don’t react emotionally. That would play directly into behavior that gives her the attention she wants. Address the behavior but be careful not to show surprise, fear, or anger.
3. Teach alternative behaviors
Teach your child alternative and more socially appropriate ways to express what he wants or needs. For example, if your child fights over sharing toys with friends or siblings, teach him the process of borrowing (“Can I play with your puzzle for a while?”) and bartering (“I’ll lend you my book if I can play with your puzzle”). Model this behavior for him by showing respect for her possessions.
4.Bid options
Offer choices and opportunities for your child to have more control over his environment. For example, if your child is a picky eater, ask him what he would like to eat, provide options (“Would you like a peanut butter sandwich or a tuna fish sandwich?”), or make him part of the process (“Why not Can you help me prepare dinner or do the shopping?”).
Remember that children with problem behaviors often also have processing problems; be sure to limit those options to two or three. Children with processing and impulsive problems often have trouble making decisions. Abstract options like “go play with your toys” are too overwhelming for them. Try saying, “do you want to play with Spiderman or Lego?” Show both toys and then say “pick one.” Doing this without emotion on your part gives the child the opportunity to choose without feeling overwhelmed.
5. Notice the positive
Notice positive behavior when it occurs and provide genuine praise. For example, “It was nice of you to let your brother play with your toy.” I even say after a nervous breakdown “good job calming you down.” Praise all!
6. Be consistent
Make sure there are consistent and predictable routines. “We wash our faces, brush our teeth, and put on our pajamas every night before we go to bed.” I have found that meal and snack times work best if they are also consistent. Example: breakfast at 8 am, snack at 10 am, lunch at 12 pm, snack at 3 pm, dinner at 5 pm, bedtime snack at 7 pm. It doesn’t matter if it’s weekdays, weekends, holidays or summer. It is very important to keep the same schedule. Yes, you should do this even if your child can’t tell time. They may not be able to look at the clock, but I bet their bodies tell them “around” what time it is.
7. Avoid surprises
When there is a change in routine or schedule, prepare your child ahead of time so they know what to expect. For example, “Mom and Dad are going out tonight, so we won’t be able to read you your bedtime story. But why don’t we pick out a book to read tomorrow night together?” Some kids need to know things like “we’re going to the grocery store after school today” to eliminate an after school “meltdown” because you’ve already set them up for change.
8. Have fun
Make sure there is joy and fun in your child’s life every day. Many parents find it helpful to play with their children before they have to do chores or wander around. Think about what brings a smile to your child’s face and make time each day to smile together.