Losing – A Coach’s Art of Survival Brochure

“You can’t win them all,” or “You’ll win them next time,” or a hundred other phrases meant to make a loser feel better, are for all practical purposes akin to pouring gasoline on a fire. One must learn that not all words, just like not all liquids, are appropriate for all situations, and after experiencing crushing defeat, silence is often the most cherished sound.

Losing is a fact of life, it’s not unlike walking, talking and breathing, it’s just that we are very aware of when we lose, as it is not an automatic response. It’s like a fall takes your breath away, suddenly you realize you’re not breathing.

We seem to forget that out of a 162-game schedule, an MLB championship team usually won’t win more than ten to fifteen games more than they lose, and it’s a big deal if a team wins 100 games, which means they lost 62 times.

It is how we handle defeat that determines how we proceed, positively or negatively. I am not going to start giving positive motivational advice or hip hip hooray slogans as I am not convinced of their real benefit in the long term, and also, each loss must be handled differently, because each loss is different and as a Trainer, you must learn to handle all situations.

Which do you consider worse? Losing a ball game by a score of 8-0, totally dominated from start to finish, or trailing 8-0 and working your way to tie the score, only to lose 9-8 in extra innings. Tough call and because they both ended in loss, they both suck, but they have to be handled in two distinctly different methods.

Let’s review the 8-0 loss. In my opinion, the “In a random day” scenario would be the best way for you, as a coach, to address the team, but keep in mind that there is no cookie-cutter speech that addresses everything that may be going through the players’ minds.

If this is a team you’ve played before, the emotions will be different from a new and unknown opponent, but there are also subplots within the main plot. Has your team traditionally dominated this team, only to turn the tables, which can be pretty humiliating regardless of whether it’s self-induced? This team has always dominated their team and this is just another futile exercise for their players that wasn’t totally unexpected?

It is important for a coach to analyze the situation and discuss it with his players. No, this is not a life or death situation and in the general scheme of life, it is quite insignificant. But at this particular time, this could be a very momentous experience for one or all of his players, which should be denied.

When people laugh at me for taking the loss so seriously, I’m reminded of the Rick Ankiel tragedy, or it could have been a tragedy. Here was a major league pitcher, the St. Louis Cardinals, with commanding speed and control, who threw several wide pitches in a big ball game and after that ONE ball game, he was never able to throw again.

I’m never talking about ranting or raving about a team because they lost a ballgame, as that’s completely stupid and you shouldn’t be coaching if that’s your style. I’m talking about the question, say, after a loss, particularly a hard loss.

The situation of coming back from certain loss and the chance to win the game, only to fall short in extra innings, has a lot of different problems than the 8-0 blowout. This was an emotional rollercoaster ride for the players that ended in a crash.

I suggest nothing but praise for the players despite their possible feelings of falling short. The problem of never leave should be praised while downplaying defeat eg never giving up will result in many wins down the road vs. she’s lost.

Do I stress that postgame conversations are essential no matter the situation? YES! Yes, I do and I stress the players more than the team, because eventually they will go to different teams, they must be taught how to lose with honor as well as how to win with honor. This is a lesson that they will carry with them throughout their lives.