Book Review – The Friendship Factor by Dr. Alan Loy McGinness
The book, “The Friendship Factor: Getting Close to People You Care About,” deals with close relationships that are often referred to as friendships. The subtitle explains the main purpose of the book: How to get closer to the people you love.
Intimacy is something that is difficult to develop, but is worth the time and energy to develop. Friendships without any degree of deep intimacy are only known. There is a process of developing friendships. It is more of an art than a science. This book looks at the reasons and factors why you should have friends. A variety of friendships is good for improving all your relationships.
The book has an interesting perspective that can help any relationship. It’s about overloading your friendships on one person. Most people would approach friendships based on similarities such as relative ones (family similarities) and then hope (with an emphasis on expectations) that all facets of that particular relationship are aligned and united. That is not the case. You can’t make one person everything to you to the point that if that person doesn’t fulfill that role, the friendship is doomed.
The “Friendship Factor” is about having a variety of friendships based on different interests. You may have a group of friends who like to fish or read classic books. You can stay within the scope of that relationship based on the common, like fishing or classic books. Your “fishing buddies” will serve to fish. You don’t need to discuss your work with this group of friends. With the expansion of online communities, it is easy to meet others with similar interests (although this must be approached with caution and discretion).
It is a tremendous burden on a person (for example, your spouse) if you expect him to have the exact hobbies or thoughts. Instead, consider that “variety is the spice of life,” including your relationships. As a preliminary precaution, the type of activity can be reflected in the quality of that relationship. Friends who drink may not be the best type of friendship, as they could get you in trouble, like driving while intoxicated. The type of activity strongly reflects the long-term quality of that relationship.
Friendship is by choice, not by chance. You have the option to choose who to be friends with. This book provides tools to expand or enhance those friendships in your life.