Criminal Personalities
When someone is grooming you to take something from you, they will often follow certain strategies. (Gavin Debecker describes these tactics with a “T” in his book: Gift of Fear.)
CHARMING AND NICE.
Have you ever felt compelled to buy something just because the vendors were so nice? They nodded worriedly at everything you said, patted your shoulder or arm in a friendly way, and exaggerated all their expressions.
Some other true charmers are cult followers. If you write her personality test or accept one of her flowers or candles, she will bombard you with attention and concern. This is sometimes called “love bombing” and can be very flattering, if not annoying.
Thieves, beggars, or thugs who just want to hit someone for the hell of it can be very charming. They usually start joking before mentioning money, favors or threats. Serial killers like Ted Bundy and George Russell spoke very well. If someone you barely know is suddenly too friendly, then something is up.
FORCED TEAM.
This is to generate a report as if you and they were in the same boat. Phrases like “We have to take you to your car.” Or, “We have to get you home in time for dinner.” Or “When are WE going?” (A good quick response is: “What do you mean ‘whee’? Do you have a mouse in your pocket?”) There is an attempt to construct a sort of “we’re in this together” or “us and them” kind of thing. attitude. Someone who’s really trying to help you doesn’t care if you like them.
TOO MANY DETAILS.
The criminal who intends to harm you already has a mentally rehearsed story. He or she will tell you the whole story before you ask. It’s like when school kids are late or get caught skipping school. They often have a long story of why they were late.
The criminal who wants something from you will go into a lot of unnecessary detail. Normally, people will stop and think during a conversation. The criminal goes straight to his pitch.
When I worked as a store security for Sears Inc., I used to listen to shoplifters tell us biographies from their entire lives while they waited for the police. Once, after catching a young, well-dressed shoplifter, I heard him explain his crime to an old, white-haired police officer. As the young thief enthusiastically recounted his life story, the policeman closed his eyes and bowed his head towards the desk.
The young thief spoke over and over again, trying to say all the right things like, “…I used to get in trouble. Like, one time, I got caught with a bunch of guys. Like we had this fight with these other guys. “. guys, and as if it wasn’t my fault… But, now I’m doing better and I really like the school and my counselors…” When the thief finally finished (or maybe he was just taking a breather), old El cop looked up, said that was the biggest load of bs he’d heard in a long time, and took the kid away.
UNSOLICITED PROMISE
It’s always weird hearing a promise from a stranger or even someone you know. It’s as if their word had some kind of special meaning and the world stopped for something they had promised. You usually hear this from scammers or someone desperately trying to gain your trust. Big promises include:
“I’ll only stay a couple of minutes. I promise.”
“I promise I’ll be back with your car in a couple of days.”
“I’ll take you straight home. I promise.”
Sometimes they try to maneuver you into making a promise. (“Hey, you promised me a ride.” Or “You owe me, man.”)
REFUSE TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
This is the most obvious of someone who doesn’t care who they offend in order to get what they want. It could be an aggressive panhandler, a pushy phone lawyer, a nasty drunk, an overly sexual date, or someone trying to break into your home or car. Anyone with an ounce of empathy would be worried about offending the other person. Not the offender. The criminal just wants to take, regardless of who gets hurt.
After a few no’s, the asker will often make a smaller request, like “Can you at least do this?” This is a good tray handling plot. They will ask you for a dollar, then fifty cents, then a quarter. Often, they will make an embarrassing comment like “Not even a penny? Can’t you give a penny?” A good way to kill beggars is to buy them some food and then watch their reaction.
Or the stranger who wants a ride home. They make it seem like a small favor on your part and are willing to agree, “Just a quick walk a few blocks down the road.” If you’re a friend of a friend of a friend, just tell him that his insurance doesn’t cover it.
A former kick-boxing trainee of mine once failed to follow this advice and found herself struggling to get out of her own car in a nightclub parking lot. The fight continued in the parking lot, until nightclub security came to help her.
When you say “no” and do nothing, the predator will keep pushing the limit, until it gets what it wants.