Captain Obvious goes on a diet

I wonder if my dog ​​Willie gets bored walking the same route every day. My inclination is that he doesn’t, but what do I know? Maybe he gets as tired of urinating in the same bushes as I am of walking on the same sidewalks. Anyway, the bottom line is that I take it for a long walk every morning and to be honest it can get boring sometimes. The solution? I plug in my headphones that always fall off and listen to the radio.

That backstory itself goes a long way in explaining how I came to hear an ad for yet another “miracle weight loss product.”

I’ve been writing these regular posts for over a decade and if you’ve been following them for more than three weeks, you know that “miracle weight loss products” are one of my biggest problems, which makes me very curmudgeonly and head over heels. about to explode. This was no exception; especially since the first words in the ad, before I even knew what was being promoted, were:

“A healthy diet and exercise plan should be part of any weight loss routine.”

Hello? Really? I never realized that!

I mean, I figured the way to be a proper weight is to ingest all kinds of secret herbs and potions “the weight loss industry didn’t want me to know about” along with cementing my fossilized butt on the couch all day. , while chewing on high fructose foods not found in nature and drowning them down by drinking cubes of chocolate syrup while enjoying “the pounds you just dropped.”

I’m sorry. Excuse the sarcasm.

It’s just that, unfortunately, we are in such a hurry to “lose weight quickly without changing clothes” that too many misguided people sacrifice their health to achieve an unrealistic standard that cannot be achieved, let alone maintained. To meet market demand, all sorts of unscrupulous manufacturers take advantage of these people with ineffective and even unsafe products. Knowing what they are providing is mostly false and could lead to lawsuits; they add ridiculous and obvious disclaimers where they would not otherwise be necessary. Think about it. Are there other products that require such obvious conditions to be outlined front and center?

Imagine car manufacturers beginning their ads with “Keeping your eyes open while driving and not disengaging the brakes before starting the engine are essential to a safe transportation experience.” Or for electrical appliances, “it is strongly recommended that you refrain from placing your hand over an open flame when frying or grilling foods.” One more: “Resting branches on the rotating blade of a running mower could impede its ability to cut grass to expected standards.”

This problem is so prevalent that the Federal Trade Commission produced a report called the “Gut Check” to help spot false weight loss claims, some of which include:

• Weight loss of two pounds or more per week for a month or more without diet or exercise;
• Lose more than three pounds per week under any circumstances for more than four weeks;
• Substantial weight loss no matter what or how much is eaten;
• Permanent weight loss even after stopping the use of the product;
• Blocking the absorption of fats or calories;
• Substantial weight loss for each user; Prayed
• Using a product on the body or rubbing a cream into the skin to cause weight loss.

There is no quick fix. There is no magic potion. There are no special foods to eat and no special foods to avoid. Supplements will not make you lose weight. Creams won’t melt away the pounds. I wish it wasn’t like that, but it is.

The solution is obvious – and luckily it’s simple and free: Habits must change. Eat smaller portions and healthier foods; find time to be active in any way possible, and be patient while nature does what it does.