A sincere letter to happiness

I never really depended on the existence of a higher power to guide me, all thanks to you. When I had you, I didn’t feel the need to investigate the calls spiritual aspect of the universe. I think it would have complicated my life as long as things between you and me have been so simple. I like us.

I just wanted to tell you, I miss you! Not that I’m complaining, because I know you’re close. And looking at our long history, I trust you more than anything or anyone else. You always find a way to bring a smile to my face.

I was 10 years old, but I still remember that night when I was upset because they forced me to sleep early, as usual, turning off the lights for school the next day. After everyone fell asleep, I looked at the night light and spoke loudly enough: “Wow! Everyone is asleep, but I am still awake.” Nobody moved and I smiled like an idiot at the whole situation. You were that easy.

I hadn’t done my homework and I was sure the teacher would beat me up. I found a friend who was in the same boat as me and sat with him all day, just to feel like he was okay, two was better than one. When the time came, the teacher did not appear. I still can’t think of anything else that could make me half as happy today as I was that day.

I find it funny how excited he was about those weird things he used to keep in a plastic bag. Cells, wires, batteries, LEDs, welder motors, magnets, marbles, and a host of similar things. I could play with it continuously for hours without a break because you were there the whole time. I still have some of that stuff, in case you were wondering.

Then came the time when I had to change cities, schools, friends, almost everything and everyone who was giving me a sense of familiarity. But through it all, you were there with me. I found new friends, did stupid things, made fun of them and embarrassed myself many times, only to create more memories that may still make me burst out laughing. Thank you!

And how can I forget that night with my cousins, the last time we had a real meeting with no hidden agenda in anyone’s mind. They were all so interested in having fun with each other without grudges and in their stupidest version. I will never be able to forget that dance that made us believe that my cousin was not going to stop until he literally pushed the wall that night. You and I were on fire.

Then came the college days. We experienced some turbulence in the beginning, but we got along pretty well for the 4 years. I will always be grateful because I was able to find you in almost all activities in those days: movies, computers, games, comics, novels, conversations… You name it and I was super happy doing all those things.

How to forget those years of struggle? I was making big plans and failing big like I was spending most of my time planning my next big disappointment. But I was able to endure all that without falling apart… Special mention deserves the direct and indirect support of my cousin, family and friends. Most importantly, you never really left me, even in the darkest of times.

I remember taking long walks through the streets of a city that never sleeps and is the busiest at night, Mumbai. Those commuter train and BEST bus commutes, getting familiar with the entire West Line, using indicator to find bus numbers and routes – all played a crucial role in my training.

This was probably the moment when I learned to really appreciate and value you because I discovered that you were the real reason behind all my motivation, positivity and persistence. I never minded sleeping for two and a half hours, standing on my feet all day without rest, surviving on one meal, continuing to walk countless miles without feeling tired because I was happy doing all of these things. Even that creep I put on the bus from infinity mall for Andheri Station makes me smile today. Good times!

I also thought that sharing you with other people was a way to keep you longer. I started watching these strangers on trains and buses, tried to get to know the local boys, make up dad, artists and others during filming. I realized how a good hello, a pep talk and even a smile used to make our day. I confess that sometimes I was served extra coffees for that kind of behavior, but it made me feel your presence even stronger.

This was also the time that I met some strangers who were going through tough times in their own lives and were in dire need of a little positivity. I was happy and lucky to be able to lend something because I was probably overwhelmed. I will always be proud of myself that I was able to give them that temporary but much needed push to get them out of the darkness of their life, and I didn’t even have to meet most of them. They are not in contact, but I hope they are doing well in their lives. Again, thank you very much!

I used to think that I had everything I needed and if I just started making good money my life would be complete. Man… how wrong was I! The happiness I used to feel eating those 8 rupees pav vada with 5 rupees worth Limbu Paani you can never feel like sitting in fancy places eating the most expensive food ever again.

It may sound paranoid, but sometimes I feel like money just brought chaos into my life. Things were fixed until I used a credit card. What makes me happy today are more or less the same things that made me happy then.

What makes me sad is that I will never be able to relive most of those moments. Life has moved on and so has everyone else. What stays with me is the memory of all the happy times. I feel like this should be enough to get me going.

In the end, I would like to congratulate you on your ability to make people look beautiful. Those smiling faces always give me the hope and positivity I need in daily life, no matter what I’m going through. And this also makes me believe that you are always near, in the form of smiles, giggles and laughter… Even if it’s not always me they come from.

Take your time, I will be here for you as you have been there for me.

“Dear happiness, I really love you!”